


Echoes A Spark

by 312LTY (zaynsuniverse)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (ongoing tags), (quite a lot), Anal Sex, Angst, Cheating, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Infidelity, M/M, Running Away, baker!taeyong, executive!jaehyun, jaehyun is not a bad bf, johntae is not real, model!Taeyong, parent!jaehyun, tensol is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 10:25:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15683547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zaynsuniverse/pseuds/312LTY
Summary: Like the moon glimmering in the faint distance when they call for the sun, Taeyong’s presence becomes forgotten. He’s only a flicker in the pitch black night for those to admire, but he’s not loved nor needed like the sun.Or, Taeyong leaves before he could be left behind and becomes an everlasting star.





	Echoes A Spark

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my very first NCT fiction! I'm feeling peachy to share this to all that love Jaeyong as much as I do.
> 
> Inspired by two songs I use to listen to on loop. The songs portray their relationship and the emotions within Taeyong.  
> Act Like You Love Me (2015) - Shawn Mendes & Flicker (2017) - Niall Horan.

The sun peaks through the blinds, leaving twelve faint vertical lines against the plain wall. It’s one less thing to worry about, Taeyong thinks, whenever he finds the strength to be just like him. No shelves that hold picture frames, no thumbtacks holding up photo booth strips. A wall with nothing on it means there’s nothing that needs to be removed.

There’s nothing here, nothing to pack up. No trace of himself throughout this apartment.

Then again, it’s not his.

Taeyong lives with Jaehyun. Though, most of the time it seems like living doesn’t feel like the most perfect word. His hours are more consistent than Jaehyun’s, where he would start before sunrise, and finish in the afternoon. He prepares bread to pay for his share of rent under Jaehyun’s roof. As for Jaehyun, Taeyong doesn’t know all the details of his field. Sometimes Jaehyun seems to be market managing, and other times he’s the epitome of the industry. Taeyong doesn’t really know. He only hears stories of good looking people’s talent agents begging on their knees to have an opportunity to work with Jaehyun. He doesn’t see him often because of this hectic schedule that Jaehyun speaks of.

Time passes by and the ticking of the clock makes him him feel insane. It’s only been a couple minutes since Taeyong prepared a dinner for two, facing an empty leather seat in front of him. Time passes fast, all in seconds and minutes, but feels like he’s beneath an ocean current, breathing in slow motion, waiting for something to happen. Why does time pass so fast, but feels so slow?

Taeyong should live his life not worrying about time being like a melting iceberg, drawl and natural. He shouldn’t feel the seconds constricting his breath when his eyes avert from the clock to the coffee brown door, shouldn’t have to be entertained by candles melting in a shallow pool around itsself.

Everyone wants to live in the moment and make it last forever. But it’s no fun when his chest feels heavy, and is alone.

For every second that passes, and every shadow that cascades against the empty wall, the more slower time passes. The longer he waits, and though ten minutes turn into hours, oh so fast, he still remains always waiting for Jaehyun.

 

White sheets have never been, and still aren’t ideal when it comes to Taeyong’s bedding preference. There’s no comfort in them because they’re dull — and mostly because he thinks they typically stand for luxuriousness or hotels.

Taeyong does it for Jaehyun.

Walking blindly towards their bedroom with trudging footsteps and familiarity, his face meets the silk sheets first. He didn’t bother to flicker on any lights because it’s pointless. He knows he’ll only be met with his shadow. He doesn’t need to be reminded of how these blankets make him feel as well. They’re already cold enough.

Taeyong doesn’t like his actions going unnoticed. He intentionally left a single glass plate of the dinner on the table. Jaehyun’s favorite American-Korean fusion cuisine strew would be cold by now, but at least there’s a slight chance Jaehyun would notice it before he leaves to work tomorrow morning.

Another thing Taeyong anticipates, is that Jaehyun would notice him. He wants Jaehyun to replace the empty spot with warmth and wrap his arms around him and acknowledge that Taeyong sleeping in Jaehyun’s loose dress shirt that he wore on their first date. Where, Jaehyun over dressed on an outing for mini golf and chicken nuggets.

After all, it’s their one year anniversary since they impulsively agreed to go exclusive. He doesn’t regret it, though.

Maybe not today, but eventually.

 

It’s a couple minutes after six when Taeyong’s instincts pick up to carry on with his everyday routine. It’s been weeks since he’s bothered to turn his shoulder to the right and admire the one alongside him. Today, though, he has an urge to do so. And when he does, he sees Jaehyun with his lips parted, cheeks a bit red, and hair in a frenzy. He hasn’t seen this morning Jaehyun in nearly a month.

Taeyong remembers eight months ago when he moved in with Jaehyun, for two weeks straight he’d wake up early just to admire Jaehyun natural and tiresome, then eagerly kiss him awake. It stopped weeks ago because when Jaehyun’s schedule began to get hectic, Taeyong got tired of waiting for Jaehyun at the night time, only for him to show up around midnight. He felt like he didn’t deserve to kiss Jaehyun good morning because he couldn’t stay up to say goodnight. It’s ironic, if anything Jaehyun should feel bad for losing hours with Taeyong, but Taeyong naturally cares a little too much and it would hurt him to hurt Jaehyun. He also doesn’t want to bother his sleep either because who knows what time he starts work — Taeyong just shouldn’t bother.

But looking at him, with sunlight and shadows of the window blinds across his face, Taeyong remembers why Jaehyun everything to him. Ignoring his heart that wants to bangs against his rib cage, he no longer contemplates. Shoving his urge away, he slowly gets out of bed and tosses the shirt into the hamper, getting ready for his day.

Downstairs as he’s clearing the dinner that went untouched, he hears shuffling from the staircase. He hurriedly scrapes the food into a container for his own lunch, feeling like a fool. He waits for Jaehyun’s arrival while pretending to be busy. Taeyong feels nervous because it’s been so long since Jaehyun’s ever been awake the same time as him before he could leave.

“Yongie?” Jaehyun’s voice chimes in the air, an echo from the seemingly empty loft.

“I’m still here.” Taeyong responds. It feels like a statement deeper than an answer to Jaehyun.

Taeyong slips his shoes on and glances at the large mirror that leans against the wall vertically. He looks more exhausted than usual, but he can’t pinpoint the truth of his droopy eyes. He just feels all around fragile and maybe it’s because he’s worrying too much about Jaehyun.

He leaves before he could hear Jaehyun come into the first floor of their apartment. He’s not ready to face him. He doesn’t even know what he’s running from.

 

Once he gets in the vibrant bakery, he hears his favorite coworker teasing him in his always, everlasting cheerful voice, “You’re like three minutes late, Taeyong!”

“Yeah, sorry.” Taeyong says and grabs the apron from Johnny’s hands.

“No, I’m sorry.” Johnny sighs, tying the strings around Taeyong’s waist, “What’s up?”

During the walk over, he strongly thought about his feelings for Jaehyun. He was neutral these last three weeks, never once has he doubted their relationship. Of course, it tired him out and made him a bit emotional, but it never came down to the point of how he’s feeling now. It’s the way Jaehyun looked in the morning, and how he sounded. There was so little of Jaehyun, and now he fears there’ll be less and less. It’s his fault anyways, he’s not sitting down and talking to his own boyfriend. Instead, he’s accepting this distance (that probably is even unintentional on Jaehyun’s end) and moping around, questioning their future.

Taeyong has gone as far as to think he needs a break from him. He plans to tell Jaehyun he’ll be visiting his mother for a couple of days, but actually plans on staying over with a good friend of his. Though, he hasn’t really asked yet so he doesn’t know how this plan will turn out. Winwin could never say no to the way Taeyong’s eyes crinkle as he pouts.

It doesn’t occur to Taeyong that he’s in a whole different dimension until Johnny pinches his shoulder with concern, he whispers, “Taeyong?”

“Yeah?”

“Nevermind. You’d tell me, right?”

Taeyong flashes his bright smile, though his eyes can’t say the same, “Of course, I’d tell.”

Johnny Suh, he’s quite the character. He’s everything anybody could ask for when it comes to asking for the perfect person. He’s the most generous person out there, for any instance, he gives them the time of day in an instant. So to speak, the time Jaehyun wanted to take Taeyong out of the state, Johnny covered for his evening shift — a whole extra six hours of work that was unnecessary for him. He’s even alert with a sympathetic smile and open arms, marvelous at sensing bad aura.

Which is why he can read Taeyong better than Taeyong knows himself. It’s also why Taeyong doesn’t want to tell Johnny anything.

They’re not close whatsoever. Johnny is only his coworker. Not some friend or a certified consultant. They’ve never bonded outside of work, within the past two years of being team members. It’s only ever been work, all the favors and the mood check ups, it’s only because they work behind a counter, side by side for five days a week. It’s natural that way, but they aren’t friends.

“Do you have a busy schedule later today?” Taeyong asks suddenly.

Johnny raises his head from the treats he frosts, “Oh, no! Not at all, why?”

“I need to get off just an hour early.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll fill in.” Johnny says, with a bit of edge. Like he’s disappointed with something. Perhaps Taeyong should stop asking for shorter days. He don’t usually. It’s actually been a couple months since the last time he needed Johnny and it was because Winwin had a seafood poisoning emergency of some sort.

Taeyong protests out of guilt, “If it’s too much to ask for, it’s okay.”

“Are you going on a trip again?”

“Kind of the opposite actually.” Taeyong starts and again, Taeyong doesn’t allow himself to involve Johnny with his personal problems, but he doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to, so maybe it isn’t that bad after all to say just a few minor things. He nods and goes on, “Need to take a public rail to ask him something. I’d feel bad if I just left a text about it.”

Johnny laughs, his tenseness easing up, “What’s that have to do with a trip?”

“I might need to stay over his place for a few days. It certainly is a trip, maybe not a stress reliever or anything. But it also means traveling and collecting my thoughts.” Taeyong confesses.

Sharing this to Johnny actually feels good. He never says anything to anyone. Even with Winwin, there’s so little that he would even mention. But now Johnny is looking at him like he’s received the most devastating news. Taeyong doesn’t like pity from anybody despite his crave for all attention in the world.

“Could I do anything to help? I can drive you on over!” Johnny insists, putting the tray of fudge bars beneath the glass display.

“It’s nearly thirty minutes away. I can’t ask of that. You need to cover my shift, too.” Taeyong flinches at the last part, the word choice of need seems unnecessary.

Johnny shakes his head, “You’d be commuting to work everyday with that distance. No, no. You should stay with me for a few days. I have a roommate though.”

It’s a lovely proposal, Taeyong thinks. He can’t find anything wrong with it besides the fact that he and Johnny are still on that level of being acquaintances. Neither of them really ever tried to push this whole coworker relationship into anything further. But Taeyong’s always felt comfortable ranting about customers with him, always liked to have him tie and untie his apron, always enjoyed icing cupcakes with him and dusting remaining flour from his fingertips onto Johnny’s nose.

When Taeyong says nothing, probably looking like an idiot for blanking our again at all the possibilities, Johnny comments, “We should have lunch and talk it though. It’s just a few days, as you said. And I live here in downtown. Ten minute walk from work. Consider it?”

 

Because this is a local bakery run by one of Johnny’s friend’s grandmother, the times really aren’t strict at all. So by the time he has his whenever-he-wants break by ten, he chooses a booth in the corner where Johnny follows in pursuit minutes later.

“Stew? This looks American, yet has traditional Asian mom spices.” Johnny says, pointing at the container while his other hand is occupied with a muffin.

Taeyong laughs, actually laughs wholeheartedly. “It’s because it is. Want to try?”

“Is it rude if I say no?”

“No, but I have a lot left. I wouldn’t mind if you wanted some.” Taeyong sighs after noticing that this meal went unnoticed. But it’s also his fault for cleaning it up before Jaehyun could see it in the morning. He did that, it’s all on him.

Johnny leaves and Taeyong figures he’s being a buzzkill. He didn’t mean to make his sadness obvious. Just when Taeyong decides his appetite is gone, Johnny is back with another spoon. He asks if Taeyong minds, which Taeyong doesn’t so he shakes his head.

There’s this humming coming from Johnny, a satisfied sound which makes Taeyong feel happy. But it’s not the same sound or expression that he knows and loves from his very own boyfriend.

“It’s really, really good. You’re great.” Johnny compliments with a smile.

As much as Taeyong loves compliments, and should just accept it with a thank you, he still somehow releases a petty response, “At least somebody does.”

“Who wouldn’t?”

“The person I live with apparently. He hasn’t been home for dinners. I leave food for him and clean it up by morning if he doesn’t eat it. I was supposed to let him have this, he was supposed to see it this morning. But I packed it all up before he could see it.” Taeyong realizes he’s speaking too fast and over explaining, so he drops his head down, forehead meeting the cold table surface.

Johnny hums, more with awareness than a hearty one, “It was suspicious of you to bring lunch. You usually have a fruit or a cookie.”

“Bad month. Badder day.”

“First of all, I don’t actually think badder is a word. And secondly, I’ve noticed.” Taeyong feels Johnny kicking his shin beneath the table, it’s something gentle and comforting. “Whatever glum mood your in, I think it’s making you open. It’s kind of nice.”

“Good to know my unhappiness is convenient for you!” Taeyong whines out, raising his head just to drop it against the table again. Gladly there’s nobody in the shop.

“You know what I mean. Thank you. Get back whenever you’re ready.” Johnny pats his head, then there’s the sound of footsteps.

Taeyong knows what that thank you means, because after two years, Taeyong finally stuck by his, of course I’d tell.

 

There’s never a naggy customer at this shop, one of the perks. His shift passes by smoothly almost all the time. And after work, he usually finds solitude with music in the house that feels like it’s only windows and white furniture.

Today, he gets to have lunch with johnny and fill out some joke application to be a temporary roommate — as Johnny had said to Kun after explaining why they’re both leaving at the same time.

Johnny decides on an all around really American breakfast shop, it’s outdoors with cliche brown tables and matching seats with orange cushions. They serve hot coffee with fancy swirls that Taeyong doesn’t care for and has croissants way more expensive than the fresh ones Taeyong makes at KeyBuns.

Sitting across Johnny in a place that isn’t their work environment, it feels nice. He actually has somewhat of a friend, because Winwin has a busy schedule too, not to mention their distance. They’re high school friends who’ve just continued their lives together three years later. Here he has a real friend other than Jaehyun’s and it feels good. He feels like he’s living, somehow. Or maybe it’s just what Johnny makes him feel.

They talk about his roommate, some twenty four year old who’s got a decent photography business going on, meaning that he’s never home. Johnny mentions that there’s only one pet — it’s actually a dog that Johnny feels bad for leaving during day times. He offers so many things to him, telling him he’s free to use which bathroom and has which cabinet in the kitchen. Taeyong laughs and reminds him that it’s only a few days.

 

Johnny drops him off in front of his place, a large silver building that contains eight floors — he and Jaehyun on top. He greets his favorite front desk man and fishes out his phone to check for any messages from Jaehyun during his elevator ride, which to his dismay, there’s none. Just one from Winwin: summer break just started! come over soon.

Taeyong sometimes wishes he could do more than two years of college. He finished one degree and dropped because he met Jaehyun and from there only relied on him. Now he wonders how far Jaehyun would get him. Now, it’s not like Jaehyun is a terrible person, he let Taeyong be social and tried to get him to meet new people, he supported anything Taeyong wanted — his education and hobbies — but it’s Taeyong’s own fault for these last twelve months to put a leash around himself. Jaehyun always let him be free. Maybe that’s why Jaehyun is so gone these days.

Speaking of Jaehyun, he can hear his voice through the solid door. It makes him all jittery and anxious so he opens the door quickly because he misses the embrace and scent of his favorite person.

When he pounces over the welcoming mat, practically running straight toward Jaehyun, he halts — but this isn’t the cause of Taeyong. Unpredictably, he stands in front of Jaehyun’s palm that is gesturing for him to stop whilst his other hand holds his phone.

Jaehyun stays busy talking away, walking in circles while Taeyong stares. He’s trying to be patient. He’s been patient this whole month. He doesn’t think before he does so, instead, he strides upstairs hastily and begins to pack. He doesn’t hesitate to grab all of his favorite belongings and sure, he packs one of Jaehyun’s hoodies, but that’s besides the point — he’s packing more than he should and doesn’t know why.

“Taeyong, I’m done now!” Jaehyun shouts, a little too loud like he’s forgotten the layout of their own loft.

Jaehyun’s voice comes from the lower floor, which makes it rises up because their bedroom sits just above their living room, with rails and no real wall. He can practically see Jaehyun from here, removing his blazer and leaning against the dull, white couch. He looks so good, but Taeyong feels as if it’s wrong to dwell on that. He shouldn’t, that’s his own boyfriend. Why’s it feel wrong?

“Hey, I’m visiting my mom for a couple days. She needs me.” Taeyong says firmly, chucking his duffel bag near the front door.

“Oh, up until when?” Jaehyun asks while not looking at him whatsoever.

Taeyong hums, contemplating whether to sit next to him or not. He eventually does and answers, “Tomorrow to Sunday.”

“Aw, three days without you?” Jaehyun’s exaggerated sad tone is evident.

“It’s not bad.” Taeyong says, hiding his bitterness. It’s not like you ever miss me now.

Taeyong doesn’t want to ask, because he knows the answer. But it doesn’t stop him. “What will you be doing while I’m away?”

“Work stuff, you know.”

“Yeah, I do.” Taeyong grumbles.

“Say something?”

Taeyong feels like crying for some undetectable reason. The reason may be obvious but he feels oblivious to his own feelings. He just doesn’t want them present, doesn’t want to feel them. He sits over at the dining room table, so far from Jaehyun because he doesn’t know when it’ll stop hurting to even look at him.

Looking at Jaehyun in this angle just does something completely different to him. Maybe his burden of frustration has faded but now there’s a whole different complex feeling of frustration. Jaehyun sits there, he’s just lounging with his elbows propped on his lap, broad shoulders visible through the baby blue dress shirt. The more intently Taeyong stares, the more he thinks that his fingertips are closer to feeling Jaehyun’s skin. He wants just a touch, maybe just to kiss his neck. That’s the least he could ask for during this odd tension between them two. Or maybe it’s all in Taeyong’s head, it could be nothing is wrong at all. Again, maybe Taeyong thinks too much and cares too much.

Oh, so recklessly and impulsively, Taeyong decides to do something for the better of himself, and their relationship. He urges to know whether this problem is one sided or not, and the only way he can conclude an answer is by this bond of intimacy. If Taeyong just sits on his lap and holds his face in between his palms, he could read his boyfriend’s eyes. He could probably kiss him tenderly and sense if Jaehyun returns it back like he always does, or not. Because Taeyong knows him best, he would know what Jaehyun’s eyes hold, he would sense if the feeling of the kiss if off. Taeyong knows Jaehyun well.

Taeyong strides over confidently towards Jaehyun with a bubbly feeling in his stomach, or maybe it’s how lower stomach really anticipating something intense. He lays a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder, he trails his fingers towards his hair and gently strokes through it, the way he knows Jaehyun loves.

“Hi, stranger.” Taeyong teases, purposely using that word just to test waters, to see if Jaehyun would tense up with suspicion. He doesn’t, he just curls into the gesture of Taeyong’s hands — like a cat would.

“I’m the stranger? You left this morning.” Jaehyun responds with the same tone Taeyong started with.

Taeyong doesn’t answer, but concludes that they’re in a good place. If Jaehyun can proceed to joke around, they’re fine. This also means that Jaehyun sees nothing different. Jaehyun doesn’t think they’ve created distance between them, nor does he realize that Taeyong is upset about that. And suddenly Taeyong doesn’t feel like doing anything anymore.

Trailing his hand away and scooting away from the couch, he tries not to be obvious about his sudden disinterest in Jaehyun’s presence.

It doesn’t work one bit, because as much as Jaehyun knows nothing, he knows nearly everything.

Jaehyun rests his head on Taeyong’s lap and cups his cheek. His thumb is comforting, it’s so familiar and Taeyong misses it even if the contact is still there right now. He’s mumbling something that Taeyong cannot reciprocate because he’s too busy swooning at the warmth of Jaehyun’s fingertips against his skin.

“Did what I say offend you?” Jaehyun whispers in this drawl and gentle tone, like he could shatter Taeyong with a couple of misused words. “Because I know what you do, even if I can’t be with you.”

“What?”

Taeyong’s mumble is barely over a whisper. He’s too tired and overwhelmed to think deeply about anything. He just wants Jaehyun to tell him that he misses him sometimes, and if it’s not too much to ask, he’s really want to hear Jaehyun telling him that he loves him. It’s been way too long since (maybe a month and two weeks, yes he’s counted, but it hurts).

“I know I’m the one gone. It’s not your fault.”

I don’t believe you, Taeyong wants to say. Because everything he’s ever done in these last couple of weeks have lead up to this very moment. Then again, maybe he shouldn’t be hard on himself like this. Taeyong didn’t actually do anything to steer Jaehyun away, it’s just that he thinks too much and cares too much. Whatever he does will never satisfy Jaehyun, and that’s all on him.

“Whose fault is it?” Taeyong finds himself whispering, not daring to look into his boyfriend’s eyes.

Like always, Jaehyun is there. He nearly knocks Taeyong in the face with his forehead but it’s only because he’s getting up so quickly to embrace Taeyong. He pulls Taeyong onto chest and tucks him closely, Taeyong’s slim body in between Jaehyun’s bracketed legs. In that very moment, Taeyong attaches himself towards anything and everything Jaehyun. He lets himself have that, intoxicating himself with the scent of Jaehyun — clothes formal and fitted, scent-stained with Taeyong’s favorite lavender laundry wash, though his body all on his own smells like fruit from their body soap, but leather like his car and office seat. He wanders his hands up his chest, wanting to feel his heartbeat. He adjusts his body, so it fits perfectly into play with Jaehyun beneath him — he’s always thought they were each other’s complete perfect puzzle piece.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Jaehyun presses a kiss onto Taeyong’s forehead — their first in twenty four days.

“You’re all I want. I really miss you. I miss you. All of this. It’s not really limited to anything at all. I just want you around and I want you greet me like you’ve been waiting to see me all day and still want to look at me from across the dinner table and maybe I want you to tell me the same things. At this point I probably really want your dick too but I’m also upset with all of this that I don’t feel in the mood, but I know I’m lying to myself. Full heartedly, I really, really want you.”

“You never tell me how you really feel.” Jaehyun says smoothly with his breath fanning against Taeyong’s cheek. He raises Taeyong’s chin with his finger, telling him, “When you do, sometimes your words do wonders.”

Taeyong fails to respond because there’s something about the way Jaehyun talks that makes his eyes flutter shut. Like a magnet, he attracts towards his touch, scooting his face closer to where Jaehyun’s lips are. Allowing Jaehyun to bring his hands south, more and more. He takes all of what Jaehyun will give him.

“You’ve always been so vocal about what you want.” Jaehyun always has a way of saying such things that make Taeyong melt. He does it right now, body having no control of himself, needing to wrap his legs around Jaehyun’s waist, Jaehyun bringing them two up the stairs.

Taeyong shoulders meet the feathery-filled duvet. As much as he hates these sheets, being with Jaehyun on top of them distorts his whole ideas of it. Jaehyun does not hesitate to sit on his lower stomach, caressing his cheek whilst kissing his jaw. He gently discards Taeyong’s top and lets his fingertips glide along Taeyong’s bare skin as if he’s inspecting dust off wood. Jaehyun once told him, Taeyong has the most lightest, softest, most delicate skin. He still whispers it now, telling him he’s the most beautiful porcelain.

The beginning between them takes a whole, typically Jaehyun likes to be extra certain. Multiple times, he’s fingered him for nearly an hour because he was afraid something would tear. Taeyong doesn’t blame him, his size correlates to his height. He’s so damn huge.

Today though, today they’ve got wandering hands that miss each other’s skin. And lips that crave the softness of another.

Jaehyun kisses him feverishly, the first time in fucking forever. Taeyong is drowning in it, feeling like — if this could be his last moment with Jaehyun, he’d make a motion picture film of it and keep it forever. He wants to remember his kiss. A kiss that he’s been craving with everything in his body. One that is warm and wet, tastes so divine. It’s almost of all gentle and yet filled with lust. Jaehyun always pecks his lips, making a balance when they do occupy with tongue and sucking. Taeyong can feel the care, and want from Jaehyun. Always in these kisses.

Too invested in their lips modeling together, he doesn’t realize Jaehyun spreading his legs with his palms. Taeyong pulls away first to rummage under the bed for their classic bottle of lubricant. Jaehyun smiles at him when their hands both meet the lid. For an unknown reason, Taeyong doesn’t know why he almost wanted to do this himself.

“Sorry.” Taeyong mumbles, letting go of the bottle.

“Do you want to... do it yourself?” Jaehyun asks, nudging the bottle towards Taeyong’s chest.

Taeyong undoes the cap and cuffs his fingers around Jaehyun’s wrist. He drizzles the clear liquid onto Jaehyun’s fingers, coating them until they’re lathered to his liking. He lays down and reaches for a pillow to prop himself up, preparing his body for Jaehyun to care for.

Jaehyun chuckles nervously, and he looks so beautiful. Taeyong misses everything about him. He is art to Taeyong, and he would lock himself and Jaehyun in a room full of mirrors.

Cautiously, like he’s afraid to break Taeyong, Jaehyun runs his fingers up Taeyong’s thighs. He thumbs his inner thigh as if there’s some thumbprint code to access Taeyong’s heat.

Taeyong thinks it’s better if he closes his eyes. Jaehyun is tense, unnecessarily tense and it hurts Taeyong. He wants Jaehyun to be alright. He could be without burning under Taeyong’s anxious stare. Maybe he was pushing it too much, maybe he should do this himself. In the first place, maybe he shouldn’t of sounded too desperate for Jaehyun.

“Hey?” Taeyong heats Jaehyun storming through the clouds that surround his thoughts. “Are you okay? Should we stop?”

Jaehyun leans forward from where his knees dig into the mattress, Taeyong can feel his cock grazing against his own. With the hand that isn’t lathered in the coating substance, his thumb presses beneath Taeyong’s eye, rubbing away wetness gently.

Taeyong was not aware of his tears. He needs to be quick to answer, afraid that Jaehyun would stop. Because, he really doesn’t want him to stop.

“I’m okay.” He starts and lets his honestly take over, “I’m happy you’re here.”

Jaehyun kneels back in between Taeyong’s body, not before leaving kisses down his chest until he gets to his cock, then his rim. He noses at Taeyong’s inner thigh before slipping a single digit pass his entrance. Taeyong sighs in content, clutching on the side of the nightstand. It’s not because it’s a sudden intrusion, it’s mostly because it’s really cold.

“Not warm enough?” Jaehyun always knows best.

Taeyong shakes his head while biting his lip.

“Alright.”

With two large palms, Jaehyun places them on the back of Taeyong’s thighs and pulls him to the edge of the bed. He gets on the cushiony bench that locates itself at the foot of the bed. Taeyong’s heart nearly drops at the suddenness from Jaehyun. He certainly does not expect a thick warm stripe against his entrance. His knees buck inwards and Jaehyun cocks his head up, “This okay?”

Taeyong can’t speak, he even stutters, “F-fine. Keep going, please.”

Jaehyun’s breath is hot fanning against him. He works his tongue at a gradual pace, knowing what works and what doesn’t. Jaehyun does exactly what Taeyong loves. Nibbling at the sensitive skin, prodding the top of his tongue tantalizingly. Taeyong has always been one for getting very little of something unless he could earn it. Jaehyun always gave him everything, anyways.

He inches away which makes Taeyong look at him with wise eyes, missing the warmth. Jaehyun only smiles with a smug look and adds a finger without warning, causing Taeyong to bracket his legs closed - again. Upon Jaehyun’s fingers tapping at his ankles, he opens them again. Jaehyun works his finger in and out. Taeyong senses he’s purposely dodging his prostate, because, Jaehyun always finds it within seconds. He leans back down, meeting Taeyong’s rim again and takes it in his own hands to fuck him with his finger and tongue.

The thing with Taeyong is, he always holds back. He doesn’t ever show Jaehyun too much of himself when it comes to them having this kind of intimacy. He lets his heel dig into the mattress and he tangled his fingers into Jaehyun’s hair, he’s very loud mewling like a desperate animal, but he doesn’t let his body shake and break beneath Jaehyun.

Taeyong chokes on his gasp and coughs sporadically when Jaehyun maximizes his ability, using three fingers. The most they’ve ever accommodated. He’s surprised at his own body, how easy it was for Jaehyun to slit his fingers beating his rim despite the aching long sessions overdue. Not to mention, Jaehyun’s fucking tongue darts around his cock, peaking to occupy his mouth by sucking on the tip. It’s making Taeyong dizzy.

He misses him even when he’s right here.

Taeyong is alert of Jaehyun’s hesitance. He raises his head up, beyond the view of his knees to see Jaehyun fumbling with thin silver in between his finger tips. He looks as if he’s contemplating it. He and Jaehyun stopped using protection nearly six months ago, so it concerns Taeyong on why Jaehyun would want to overthink it. It could be that they haven’t slept together in a while, so Jaehyun is uncertain. But Taeyong doesn’t dwell on it.

Instead, Taeyong props himself up with his elbows on the bed and scoots forwards, hooking his legs sound Jaehyun’s bare hips. He uses this secure position to his advantage, curling up and draping his arms over Jaehyun’s shoulder so that Jaehyun topples above him, both bodies landing into the bed messily.

“It’s okay.” Taeyong whispers delicately against Jaehyun’s neck. He nods into the curve and lets his lips linger on the skin merely because Jaehyun smells so nice.

Jaehyun grins, that one vibrant grin where he gets whisker-esque creases by his nose. “Yes, of course.”

Taeyong runs his hands up and down Jaehyun’s sides before adjusting himself comfortably on the bed. Jaehyun is already snug in between his thighs, so it doesn’t take much for him to tease Taeyong’s entrance with the head of his cock — rubbing from his perineum and between his clefts.

In synch, they gasp when Jaehyun settles inside him with ease. His hips pivots under the impressions of Taeyong’s expressions. It’s how they always work. Taeyong never halts him, never begs for more otherwise. Jaehyun can read him. From his knit forehead to whether he bites his lip or bundles the bedsheets between his fingers, Jaehyun would know. Jaehyun knows Taeyong’s body.

It’s why Taeyong doesn’t bite back the moans that come instinctively. Because Jaehyun is Jaehyun, a whole year with him — he finds Taeyong’s spot within a matter of minutes.

Jaehyun leans down, their chests touch and Taeyong’s legs are spreader further apart than ever. His hands run down Taeyong’s arm and meets his fingers. He’s raising their intertwined hands above Taeyong’s head whilst racking his hips in a hastier speed, incessant movement.

Taeyong is transitioning his unoccupied hand from Jaehyun’s hip to around his neck, pulling him closer. Though it’s not rally Taeyong’s doing. They naturally gravitate towards one another because Taeyong’s body arches forward simultaneously with Jaehyun ricocheting his hips against Taeyong’s ass.

The room averts into something hot. The air is too warm, their bodies are drenched in sweat, and Taeyong feels the sound waves of their moans and the bed creaking circulating in the room they share. The best part of the atmosphere is the way Jaehyun looks down at him with endearment. His eyes twinkle and his cheeks are the rosiest Taeyong has ever seen. He just needs to, and does, give Jaehyun a quick kiss that kind of just pours out everything that Taeyong feels for him.

“Jae, please.” Taeyong whines, sensing Jaehyun is close. He too, understands Jaehyun’s body. The way Jaehyun’s thrusts becomes shaky and drivingly hard tells Taeyong everything. He’s never told Jaehyun that he likes it like that though.

Sometimes — plenty of times — Taeyong takes a while to reach his high, but Jaehyun’s always been quicker than him; wobbly legs, more sweat dripping down his forehead than Taeyong. The one thing that makes Taeyong restless and anxious are the final seconds. These seconds where Jaehyun is uncontrollable is what makes Taeyong want to beg. He doesn’t ever beg Jaehyun, but when Jaehyun is almost there, Taeyong so gone for him.

“Inside me, please.” Taeyong drops his head back and prepares for Jaehyun to bite the left side of his neck, pull on his hair, getting the right amount of attention from the rough tugs, and create fingerprint bruises on his hips.

Jaehyun will always give enough, and yet somehow Taeyong will never get enough. Jaehyun is just everything to him in every way and he’ll always want more, more, more.

Everything is always the same as always. Gentle and patient is their promise — with this one fucking ride as the falling climax — and as always, the lower pit of his stomach always spirals out of control with the most burning fire. Jaehyun’s never needed to do anything different, everything is always perfect.

Taeyong comes with a shiver, body quivering with the swift motions from Jaehyun. He feels tingly inside, something bubbly in a happy way. He’s considerably content, not just because he’s finally gotten to relieve all of this pent up stress and drive. Though, there’s just something. Perhaps it’s the way Jaehyun obeys when Taeyong begged him to stay inside. It’s a little unpleasant, but it’s so fucking warm. He hasn’t really felt like he’s gotten a piece of Jaehyun at all lately — this is it. He’s pretty sure it’s the way Jaehyun pulls out, caters to his messy body, lastly settling where he belongs and draping an arm over his waist. Taeyong is certain he feels good because their backs don’t face one another’s.

 

Something startles Taeyong awake. It’s the faint vibration that could only belong to Jaehyun’s phone (because Taeyong likes his on do not disturb after midnight). Reaching over towards the night stand, he struggles from Jaehyun’s heavy arm around his body. It’s something he won’t ever complain about, but because this ringing disruption is interfering with his sleeping time — he’s having a hard time moving to turn of off. It’s all Jaehyun’s arm’s fault that Taeyong can’t move.

Once he finally reaches it, on its third ring, it amuses Taeyong how much of a heavy sleeper Jaehyun could be. Yet back then, Taeyong’s kisses always woke him up, even if they were light as a feather, barely a fanning graze. Looking at the dull-lit screen, it has an unrecognizable contact name — one in which Taeyong has never seen in Jaehyun’s phone before. He’s never heard of an Euijin whatsoever. It stirs curiosity because, it’s alright for Jaehyun to talk to others because his field of work apparently consists of high demand for him. But why would they call at such an ungodly hour? It isn’t typical for Taeyong to be detective-like or possessive when it comes to Jaehyun. But he senses that he should look through his phone, so he does.

What he finds should hurt him. It amuses him instead.

It’s a message chat between the said person calling and Jaehyun. There are no messages above this single blue bubble coming from Jaehyun, “We’re ending this.”

Something about the simpleness within this message is enough for Taeyong to gather all the details on his own. Like context clues. There’s nothing else he’d need to search of, as scanning texts was his first resort and he hit big.

Taeyong doesn’t feel anything as he escapes the arms of his lover. He makes soundless steps when he distances himself away from the bed. The door hardly creaks when he opens it and shuts it. Everything he does, it doesn’t leave a trail. It’s as if he never tried to leave.

But now he’s out with just the duffel he packed to visit his mom.

The air is cool, but not shivering. He could expect that when it’s edging towards the summer season. Something about the weather makes him feel cold, empty almost. It could be the truth that has just surfaced, winding with the atmosphere to make him finally aware of reality. The fact that Jaehyun hasn’t been around and there was a reason for it, that hits Taeyong and rattles his rib cages sit feels like those single fragments are stabbing its way into his heart. It hurts, but it’s not like it didn’t before this.

In the dark of dawn, the moon seems to follow him and that makes him feel safe. Where he’s headed, he knows, but he’s unsure if it’s right.

 

Taeyong can only see a glimpse of Johnny’s eyes through the glass window, but he hears the grumbly, tiresome tone when he murmurs, “Hello?”

“It’s Taeyong. Please let me in.” I’m so desperate, I’m sorry it’s late. 

Though his voice is fragile and under breath, it’s apparently audible enough because what follows is a few clicks and the door slides open, barely enough for his body to pass through.

The second Taeyong inches his way through the door, Johnny tugs on him roughy. It was probably accidental and full of concern, so Taeyong isn’t afraid.

“What are you doing out so late?” Johnny scolds, flicking on the switch of tiny fluorescent tube that glows green.

Aesthetic, Taeyong thinks. The house is actually all creativity decorative, something he isn’t used to. It’s not a bad thing, certainly different — but interesting. His eyes draw their attention towards a stack of books despite a sturdy dark blue bookshelf existing. It holds random metallic nicknacks and potted plants, so that’s probably why the books don’t perch themselves there. Everything else though, in this tiny living room is very clean. And unique, definitely characteristic and lived in. Unlike his place, which is only clean.

“Hey look, I know I said you could come any time you’d like but I wasn’t expecting this whole four in the morning thing.” Johnny yawns.

Taeyong pouts, thinking this was a terrible idea. He and Johnny aren’t even friends. He feels even more pathetic than he did just an hour ago. To think that he left his house and endured a thirty minute midnight walk, only to feel oddly unwelcome, he’s an impulsive idiot.

“Wait, I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just wondering if you’re okay. Which, probably not but... how about you take my bed. I’ll sleep out here.”

Johnny always has this way of reassuring Taeyong, it works lots of times too, like right now. Because even though Johnny never asks for too much, Taeyong just gives it to him. He spills everything out (from him having a home therapy session, to ending the night naked in the same bed, and confessing out loud: I think I’ve been sharing him) right here in this unfamiliar room — because maybe Johnny isn’t his friend, and somehow that makes everything easier.

Taeyong also declines Johnny’s bed, telling him it isn’t fair but deep down, Taeyong knows he can’t dare to be in somebody else’s bed even if he isn’t with anyone else. It feels wrong, disgusting even, to think that he’d go on a bed that isn’t his and Jaehyun’s.

“Well both sleep out here then. I’ll turn on the fan and keep a tiny light out.” Johnny offers, already laying out blankets onto the floor. “Do you like whale noises? It’s kind of soothing.”

“No?” Taeyong responds in a questionable tone because it sounds absurd.

“Amazon rainforest? Maybe just oceans, no whales?”

Taeyong shrugs at this point because he’s just a guest and if Johnny wants a roar of nature in the middle of his living room, it’s wrong for a guest to decline. “Okay.”

“Night night, Taeyong. Please sleep well.” Johnny whispers from his place on the ground.

A beep later, Taeyong responds even though he didn’t want to. “Thank you. I will. Good night.”

Somehow, this bulky cushioned couch is comfier than the arms he was raveled with just moments ago. Even the coo of chirping birds and crashing falls are more soothing than a snore against his neck.

There’s an uncertainty that coils in Taeyong’s chest when he wakes up. He doesn’t know whether he feels pain or agitation. His chest hurts, but it’s felt like that the last couple of weeks, so maybe he’s used to it. He thinks he should be mad, but apart of him isn’t mad at Jaehyun. He can’t be, no piece of his body and mind want to be mad at him.

Of course he remembers where he is because everything that just happened was only hours away while he was wide awake. It still feels strange to wake up to such colorful furniture and blankets with cartoon characters on them. There’s no one next to him — the most foreign part. He should be used to that, though, sleeping every night without a body near him. But that’s it, Jaehyun maybe let him sleep alone, but Taeyong never woke alone.

By not being in another person’s house in a while, he forgets the proper etiquettes that a morning could consist of. Should he leave, but wake up Johnny and say bye first? Maybe get up and fold the blankets then try to make breakfast? But it’s not his house, he doesn’t know if it’s rude or not to touch someone else’s stuff.

In all this uncertainty, there’s a sound of a fridge shutting and great, must be Johnny awake already. He’ll just tell him they’ll see each other at work later or something.

“Johnny?” Taeyong calls while going towards the kitchen.

“Hey! I was just brewing coffee and making eggs.” Johnny’s voice is cheerful. It kind of hurts Taeyong, in a way where he envies it.

“I was just going to say thank you, and I’ll be going now.”

Johnny pulls out a chair, “You should stay! Freshen up here. Work starts soon. Carpool.”

Taeyong feels hesitant. He didn’t want to be a pest. But Johnny is mumbling something like it’s not the best idea to face him if he’s home and that does it for Taeyong.

With breakfast on the table, and the occasional silent clinks, a ding surfaces and Taeyong knows it’s Jaehyun’s text because of the distinct tone Jaehyun once claimed for himself. His stomach churns with fear, and yet embarrassment.

Taeyong groans, “Oh gosh, can you read this for me.”

Johnny takes the phone in to his hands with no hesitance and he mocks Jaehyun (even if he’s only met the guy once), “I wish you’d of say goodbye before your departure. But I know you well. Surprising her early? Precious baby. Have a good stay at your mother’s. I’ll miss you.” 

“Ugh.”

“You told him you’re going to your mom’s?” Johnny laughs, then covers his mouth while hastily apologizing.

“Yeah. I have to give her a heads up. I don’t think I could go back — at least not when he’s there. I don’t want to hear an explanation. I’ll let him have it. I don’t want the details. I wanted to leave anyways.”

“You’d runaway?”

It’s not a bad idea, Taeyong suddenly thinks.

“Well, I don’t have a place to stay. I just think... making him wonder is my best medicine.” Taeyong responds.

Because... Somehow, he’s set on karma and fate. He thinks this could be the best realization he’s ever been hit with. Everything comes to him all at once, he’d go off with his life, wanting to switch phone services, wanting to block Jaehyun from every social site, wanting to burn that hoodie and photo he took of Jaehyun. If Jaehyun made it so easy to neglect Taeyong, it shouldn’t be hard to do the same. Besides, Taeyong has always been stronger in that sense. Sure he’s always needed Jaehyun, but Jaehyun simply cannot last long without Taeyong either.

“I see that thing you do when you have solutions. I happen notice. You do it when we have lots of customers and suddenly you’re an employee with super powers.” Johnny scoots his chair closer to Taeyong. “Can I ask what you’re thinking?”

“Leaving every trace of myself behind.”

“Good. You’re not actually like sad? This is a very... inspirational thing?”

“I’m devastated. I’m heartbroken. He didn’t come home on our anniversary and a day later this is what I find out? I’m hurt but nothing will get better if I dwell on it.” Taeyong says determined. He didn’t know his hands were cooled into a fist until he made a slam. He takes a deep breath and sighs, “I haven’t even cried yet. I know it’s bound to happen eventually, though.”

“Yesterday—last night. I didn’t get to give any input. I mean, it’s not my business to do so right now. But, you don’t deserve any of that. The mistreatment.” Johnny says with pure sympathy.

“It’s kind of a sign. I guess.” Taeyong says, words come out before he could really stop himself, “It’s like constantly hitting snooze when you should be waking up. I knew there was something but I kept dreaming.”

Johnny hums in response and Taeyong doesn’t blame him, he really can’t shut up right now and it’s probably making him uncomfortable.

This is a Friday that hurts.

“He’s my best nightmare.” Taeyong mumbles, just a final note before he sips on his orange juice.

 

During the car ride, Johnny mentions how his proposal is still up for grabs — that Taeyong is welcomed to stay with Johnny for a few days, even prolonged now that he’s heard of Taeyong’s road mapping. Taeyong thinks it can’t be bad, he feels oddly very comfortable in Johnny’s home. He says he needs to talk to his first and only friend before deciding — not that he can’t trust Johnny but he says, “Winwin might get offended.”

 

Taeyong actually texts that Winwin should visit the bakery an hour before his shift ends, just to discuss and hangout. Winwin loves having sweets there anyways, and he’d rather talk it all through while there’s a counter separating them — just in case Winwin gets a little touchy. That’ll happen in the instance that he’d probably want to coddle Taeyong and tell him everything will be alright. Taeyong doesn’t want that.

“Just a thought, after a while, he’ll know your hours and come here.” Johnny says suddenly while wiping the tables.

“Great, I’ll have to find a new job.”

“Which brings me to my next point.” Johnny chucks the rag over his shoulder and crosses his arms. “My roommate saw you this morning before his morning session. He says you’d be the apple of his next shoot. Some shit like that.” 

Taeyong furrows his eyebrows. “What’s that mean?”

“He wants to work with you. Apparently someone is collaborating with him for an upcoming clothing line and you’d make the perfect model.”

“Flattered but no, I’ve never seen myself in that kind of industry.” Taeyong thinks back to Jaehyun, and pouts.

Johnny then shrugs, and before he heads to the kitchen, he coos, “Think about it. You’d be getting paid to stand in front of a camera.”

Taeyong sticks his tongue out and goes back to pouting at the cash register. His eyes find the worm out, peeling stickers on the buttons to be the most amusing thing.

“You never know.” Johnny says, now closer to him than earlier, “Has anyone ever told you you’re like mad good looking. Absolutely stunning.”

Thinking back to just a little while ago, he didn’t remember the last time anyone has ever said such a thing, besides Jaehyun of course, though he eventually forms a response, “I mean, high school, yeah. And after that, I’ve been to content with him to never even consider that someone could be looking at me.”

“Well I’m telling you now.” Johnny places his hand on Taeyong’s fingers that are picking away the stickers. He gets Taeyong to look at him because of that and goes on as they behold the same gaze, “Also, some customers have actually asked me who you were. Some people come on your days off and expect you. If that means anything. I don’t tell your hours because it’s creepy, and you were taken.”

“If I’m going to start over, I might as well go all out. If I do loose this job, I think it could be a start.” Taeyong grumbles.

“Yes! You got the job!”

“Don’t get his hopes up. I said think.”

 

Winwin arrives sooner than Taeyong anticipated. He flicks Johnny in the forehead from where he’s sitting during break before plopping across him. “Oh waiter!”

“This is a self serving shop. I don’t go to you.” Taeyong grumbles, organizing the sweet buns in a more presentable formation than Johnny had.

“I’d like a word with your boss!” Winwin snaps with a slap to the table.

Taeyong shakes his head with an irritating groan of Winwin’s name.

Johnny sighs. “You should go easy on him.”

“Don’t tell him what to do.” Taeyong retaliates.

“Okay, okay. I thought I was being the help here.”

Winwin looks between the two, from the booth to the counters. He squints his eyes and puts his chin on his palm. He then asks with an eerie voice, “What’s going on here?”

“Look,” Taeyong notices no cars in the lot, so he moves from his place and hovers the table Winwin sits at, “I’m leaving Jaehyun.”

Taeyong’s very reliable, yet wildly loud and dramatic friend sits dumbstruck. Completely still and soundless. But then he tilts his head back and sighs, “Finally.”

“What do you mean finally?” Taeyong slaps the back of his head until Winwin falls forward, barely inches away from hitting the hard surface.

“I mean, it was kinda one sided don’t you think?” Winwin comments with a shrug.

Everything revolving around he and Jaehyun within the last year had been nothing but the best moments of his life. He wouldn’t say it was one sided, because he knew how much Jaehyun missed him when they parted for sometimes the shortest of time and he knew how much Jaehyun had bragged to his friends about the many charms and talents of Taeyong’s. Jaehyun has given him everything, from the balance of who chooses date locations, and who gets to be the big spoon, for times when Taeyong wanted a little more control every now and then since he was the oldest after all — Jaehyun knew very well that Taeyong needed to play both roles in the relationship, he couldn’t accept just one stereotypical label. He knew their love was equal. It was only until recently that he felt that. He would disagree with his friend, but he isn’t all wrong.

“It wasn’t like that in the beginning.” Taeyong whispers, aware of his prior silence.

Johnny stands up and props his weight against the edge of the booth. “So, are you going to give him the details? Or do you not feel like it? You shouldn’t feel obligated, you know.”

“Johnny.” Taeyong warns.

“Mhm, you work with him for a few years and suddenly he knows you better than I do. You told him already as well. Hm, it’s fine.” Winwin takes Johnny’s mug and sips it before sputtering— holy shit, that’s hot!

“Winnie.” Taeyong takes Johnny’s place and repeats all he had said to Johnny.

Thankfully, Winwin apologizes for prodding in. He says he’s a bit butt-hurt for Johnny knowing more, but he wouldn’t of wanted Taeyong to walk the distance to his home, or just speak about all of this through their phones. He’s more hurt for Taeyong — and something about that tugs at Taeyong’s heart. He was sad, about all of this, but someone else hurting for him just hurts him some more all. He didn’t think of the consequences, only about himself. Now he thinks about Jaehyun and his mom’s bond, and he thinks of Winwin and Jaehyun’s connection even if they were barely getting along. Most of all, he feels bad that Winwin will have to pick up the pieces. Maybe not now, but it’s bound to happen; for Taeyong to break (apart completely), that is.

“Wait, do you know what I noticed?” Taeyong says, looking at the flecks of pink in the white surface.

“Hmm?” Winwin shakes his head, picking up the ah fake cookie that was once Johnny’s and tries to hand it over but Taeyong declines.

Taeyong places his hands on the table and slowly verbalizes, “I only read the text as we’re ending this, but I assumed he said that to whoever that person was. What if he was texting them that he’s ending it with me?”

Taeyong’s breath suddenly hitches at the thought. At what lead up to those messages. All the sweetness within words, and actions. Missing and loving, making up for its loss. And the creaks of the bed. Edges of the sheets fumbling off. And the tight holding. Their bodies pressed closer than ever. All for Jaehyun to get one last bit, and give one last bit, before he’d end it all with Taeyong.

“Either way, you left first.” 

 

By the end of his shift, Winwin insists that he go and live with him, meanwhile Johnny retaliates and suggests that living with him is better. After all, it’s Taeyong’s decision. He thinks he’ll stay with his mom for a few days because she’d know what to tell him when he asks if he he should confront Jaehyun.

 

One thing that he takes note of is Jaehyun’s aura during his mention. On the walk to his mom’s with just Jaehyun’s house keys jingling from his belt loop, he recalls Jaehyun’s apathy — more like carelessness. He remembers Jaehyun’s inattentive response as if he paid no mind to the fact that Taeyong would actually be gone for a few days. Jaehyun waved it off like Taeyong was nothing, as if Taeyong always left.

With this piece in mind, Taeyong thinks that everything he had thought secondly with Winwin was correct. Jaehyun meant to leave. Now, there’s no reason to confront him, no need to ask if Jaehyun was cheating. It would truly hurt less if Taeyong knows none.

Taeyong knocks gently on her door as if his knuckles would bleed if he tried any harder. She opens immediately with a frown, no happiness like she used to present when Taeyong stood on her porch. Either she knows something, or Taeyong’s downcast is that apparent.

“Jaehyun called.” It kind of answers everything. “Said he wanted to talk to you since you weren’t answering his calls.”

“Yes. And..?”

“And I told him I had no clue why he wasn’t. For some odd reason, he was expecting you to be here. He said that I needed you. Which, only because you’re my son, I went along with it.” She crosses her arms with a look of disappointment, “So, come in and explain.”

“Mom,” Taeyong steps inside the house and turns around the second he hears the door shut, “I’m leaving him.”

She’s quiet for only a few seconds before she rests her face into her palm and breaths out almost disappointed, “And why would you do that?”

“Because he’s been talking to someone else. I don’t have the heart to come in between them. I don’t want to hear anything about them. I just want to end this. I want to let him go.” Taeyong sniffles, unexpected him to breakdown this soon.

He confesses far more than he has with Johnny or Winwin, because after all, she’d understand most. He’s not afraid of expressing his hurt with her compared to his friends because he thinks they wouldn’t get it. With them, they’re his age, they’d probably expect for him to get back at Jaehyun — at least Winwin would. If Winwin found out that Taeyong was more hurt than he appeared, he would want Taeyong to probably smash his windows and find out about the girl and put gum in all her shoes. All this sounds a bit exaggerated but it’s exactly what Winwin would do. But he has his mother right now, and she only expects for Taeyong to prevent his unhappiness.

So Taeyong tells her about his lie to Jaehyun, and somehow about how he actually, truly needs to be under her roof for a couple of days.

“You can stay here as long as you like, but what after? When he comes missing you and knows this is the first place to search?” His mother asks.

Taeyong bites his bottom lip. “I have a coworker. He’s offering. He even has a friend who’s expecting me.”

“If it makes you happy.”

A new start would definitely make him feel something different.

 

When Taeyong sees Jaehyun’s car pulling up to the nearest parking spot, he tears off his apron and shoves it at Johnny.

“Hide me, hide me. I swear, you have to hide me.” Taeyong pleas, pulling Johnny with him to the back kitchen.

There’s a chime from the entrance and Taeyong and Johnny peak above the thin wooden door that divides the shop’s front service and rear kitchen. Jaehyun’s voice echoes throughout the emptiness, tumbling with only the sound of his shoes squeaking against the fluorescent tile.

Johnny glances in taeyong’s direction. “I can’t hide you. But I’ll cover up. Go home.”

“What? I can’t go home!” Taeyong whispers in an aggressive tone, basically yelling hushed. Probably.

“I meant my place.”

“Huh? Oh. I guess.”

Johnny nods, pocketing for his keys and tossing it to Johnny. He proceeds to the front, not without giving Taeyong a smile first. This gives Taeyong some reassurance, but he doesn’t intend on leaving yet.

“Woah, hi.” Jaehyun says.

Johnny’s employee mode is back on, “Sorry for the wait. Was checking on the next batch of bread.”

“Oh no worries. It’s only been but a minute.” Jaehyun leans closer to the counter and Taeyong fears that he’ll look at the swinging door that separates them two. “Though, Lee Taeyong is working at this hour. Can I see him?”

“No, I’m afraid he’s not here at the moment.” Johnny tells smoothly.

“Where—“

“Lunch.”

“I haven’t seen him — listen, it’s been two days — and wanted to take him for lunch. Which, is usually an hour from now. Why’d he go early? Is there an emergency with his mom?”

“No, no. Well, I don’t know.”

Taeyong sees the worry on Jaehyun’s face and he can’t bare it anymore. He leaves through the back door.

 

Johnny’s house. So lived in.

He takes a seat on the single chair in the corner of the living room. It faces a chimney that looks over used — charcoal shaded stains surround surface of the brick fireplace. He can practically smell the burning wood.

Jaehyun’s place doesn’t have a chimney. It was a gas operated fire. Taeyong isn’t allowed to use it.

While staring blankly at the walls, he gets a text from Johnny, insisting that he stays away from the shop or his mother’s place. By an hour of Taeyong’s fingers itching to organize Johnny’s cabinets, he speaks with his mother through the phone. She gives him words of wisdom. It’s advice he would take into consideration. He doesn’t really know how to vocalize his plan.

When Johnny does arrive him, he has Winwin with him — which he’s thankful that they listened to his group text. Winwin was doing little secret agent things around here anyways, only getting certain items that Taeyong asked for. Certain things that would go in unnoticed to Jaehyun.

Taeyong drops it quicker than it took of him to analyze his own roadmap.

“I’ll be staying with Johnny.”

Winwin’s face contorts into something unpleasant before smiling, and though it seems like he’s agreeing with nods, Taeyong sees beyond that.

“My mom suggested it.” Taeyong looks at Winwin. “He knows my connection with you. Besides, she thinks best friends shouldn’t dorm. We know each other too much and be so close, we’ll go mad.” 

“I understand.” Winwins smile is genuine now. He hands him Taeyong‘s duffle bag with his dear items before giving him a bone crushing hug.

 

Tonight, Taeyong insists on making dinner. He makes stir fry noodles because Johnny’s a bit limited to what he has in the kitchen when it comes to seasoning. He’s thankful to find ramen packets and vegetables to make these simply stir-fried with a crunch of greens and orange.

During the table for two, Johnny speaks of Hansol and the already solid rules between the two of them. Johnny is allowing Taeyong to set any boundaries this point as well. From what Taeyong hears, he’s thrilled to accompany Johnny and Hansol in this tiny apartment because they’ve got bonding nights and set dates for certain cleaning events. They seem to maintain a really equal home, all put together chore wise, yet still very fun.

Taeyong meets the other roommate a little after dinner, already presenting himself with a good impression when he tries a bite of dinner. It’s said to be better than when Johnny makes regular ramen for himself.

Apparently Taeyong came on a good day because neither of them have school so they usually go all in for a boys event. Something about pitching in for snacks and choosing hours long with of movies or games. They seem closer than Taeyong thinks, he’s sure they’re just friends but he wonders for how long because they sure plan like how he and Jaehyun had.

In the midst of Johnny excusing himself to use the restroom, Taeyong takes the opportunity to address Hansol’s model hunt. He announces that Johnny has mentioned it a few days ago. He briefly gives an introduction on how he’s got no experience whatsoever but he’s willing to be instructed.

“Thanks for considering it! But nothing in those context. He owes me. I needed a model, fast.”

Taeyong pouts. “I thought he was just making his friend’s passion flourish. And here I also thought that I was what you were looking for.”

“You do make a good fit though. But no I didn’t actually see you this morning.”

“I have to confront the liar soon.”

Hansol knows all about Taeyong’s situation. It wouldn’t be fair to hide it considering the three of them live under the same household. Not to mention, Taeyong isn’t paying for rent but occupies the living room and a coat closet.

**Author's Note:**

> Now that this first chapter is published, I'll leave it lingering for a bit before I decide to post the next part. For months I've been working on different scenes. Now I just have to piece them together. Pleace anticipate! ~ ♡ Comments motivate me to work better, and keep doing!
> 
> Just a friendly reminder, I don't condone this behavior that Taeyong acts upon. I do find it quite strong to leave with out a trace, but sometimes we should just talk things through! Which, Taeyong doesn't do and sorta never wants to.
> 
> keep in touch!  
> twitter ➵ ygh0ney  
> tumblr ➵ tenpathy  
> youtube ➵ jamacash


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